Are you ready to stop co-sleeping with your baby? Maybe you have bee co-sleeping for a while and it has been working out wonderfully. Everyone seems to be sleeping well, you and your baby have no complaints and you are just enjoying it, until one day you start to not want to be touched all night long. You begin to wonder if you will ever be able to sleep in your bed alone again. You maybe try to put your baby in their crib but they just start crying and crying and you so end up co-sleeping with them again, but you really aren’t enjoying it anymore?
Listen, I have been there. There have definitely been moments in my parenting journey where I have co-slept and then realized that I didn’t love it and wanted to make a change but wasn’t sure how.
I’m sure you are thinking right now “wait a minute, she’s a nurse, who teaches people about ‘safe sleep’ all the time and she has co-slept?” Yup, I have. And for a time it served me well and it’s what I needed, but then I reached the point where I wanted a change and I was willing to put forth in the effort to make the change.
My whole parenting philosophy is “it’s only a problem if its a problem for you”. It doesn’t matter what your mom, sister, or best friend thinks. It only matters if it’s not working for yourself and your family and you want to make the change. Now let’s get into the nitty-gritty of how to stop co-sleeping with your baby.
For Babies 3 months and Under: How to stop co-sleeping
Babies who are 3 months or under actually sleep differently than you or I. They cycle through active sleep and quiet sleep. Active sleep can actually look like your baby is waking up. They kick, squirm, grunt, moan, and sometimes even cry out! Babies can spend up to 50-75% of their sleep cycle in this active phase of sleep. Quiet sleep is the peaceful sleep that you think of when you think of sleeping like a baby. So because of this, I do find that often babies these ages need to be helped to sleep. It’s perfectly normal to feed, use a soother, or rock a baby to sleep at this age. When it comes to transitioning away from co-sleeping with your baby at this age I would suggest a couple of different things.
First, I would get your baby completely asleep in your arms. When they are completely asleep I would gently transfer them to their sleep space. It works best if you keep your baby nice and close to your chest; then YOU slowly lower YOURSELF to their sleep space and place them in diagonally. This means try to put them down with their feet in first, bum, back, and finally their head. Use a soother if needed and keep your hand on their tummy and “shuuuush” them. You can even gently rock them a little bit. Once they get more settled in their sleep space, slowly move away. Now, this does take practice. It may not work the first few times, but if you keep practicing you will get it!
Have you tried this and still have some questions? I offer a newborn support call where we can talk about any questions you have about your baby. Check out my newborn support packages.
For Babies 4 months and older
Now if your baby is a little bit older, I’d recommend starting to work on this transition at bedtime. I know, I know, some of you may be thinking that nap time might be the place to start. But hear me out, at bedtime the baby is already making melatonin (the sleep hormone), so we want to capitalize on that and use it to our advantage.
Ok, so before you start to make this transition I recommend that when you start, make sure that your little one had really good naps all day. This is because we learn better when we aren’t super tired. Can you imagine trying to learn a new skill while being jet-lagged? Let’s not have our babies be overtired and overwhelmed while learning🙂.
Complete your bedtime routine, and then go ahead and get your baby to sleep in your arms. If you had to rock your baby or even feed your baby to sleep while doing this, this is ok! And then wait until they are really asleep and gently place them in their crib. Have their soother handy in case you need it, and make sure you keep them close to your body as you lay them down. It is helpful if you leave your hand on their tummy or back and you can pat and shush them back to sleep as needed.
Try this technique for a couple nights and then start to put them down when they are slightly awake. Let them get drowsy when you are rocking them and before they are completely sleep transfer them to their crib and help finish putting them to sleep in there. As your baby starts to get used to being in their crib, start rocking them less and putting them into the crib when they are more awake and you will get them sleeping independently!
Remember that improving sleep is a process and it takes commitment and consistency to improve, but you will get there! Celebrate the little wins (did you actually get your baby to sleep in their crib and you were able to walk away?! AMAZING! It’s working!!!) and know that you will get there.
Are you struggling with your baby’s sleep and you need some support? Check out my sleep support options. I can make a plan that will work for your individual families needs and goals looking at your child holistically. This means that I look at feeding, developmental milestones, sleep, family values and more to make sure that your baby will reach their goals. Click here for my sleep support.
Pass this blog along to your friends who are co-sleeping but want to know how to start making a change! And always remember that you are the BEST parent to your little one.
